The Phoenix

Note: Much of the earlier dialog has been translated from Surfer into English.

Premminger first headed to the beach where Bennu had put on his show. The waves were good and it was fairly busy. He selected a group of surfers at random and headed over to them.

Preminger: "Where can I find this 'Mystery Surfer' of several days ago?"

One of the group, seeing somebody neatly dressed in street clothes, made the natural mis-assumption.

Surfer: "Look, we know the Mayor wants to give him a medal, but we've been over this several times already. Nobody here has seen him before or since those two days!" He and the rest of the group headed towards the water. Preminger, not about to give up that quickly, followed.

Preminger: "You don't understand. I want to ask him some questions."

Surfer (making another mis-assumption and giving a knowing grin): "Oh, I understand perfectly."

Spotting a promising wave, the surfer headed into the water to catch it. As he approached the shore he yelled: "Splash the penguin!" - apparently either Preminger's clothes reminded him of one or it was an in joke the group used. Splash, indeed! With a WHOOSH, the whole group got doused. They didn't mind - they were in swimsuits. Preminger, however, was not amused.

Preminger (sputtering angrily): "Who are you to assault a Federal agent?"

Surfer: "I assume you're talking to the ocean. Stand near it and you get wet." He made a sudden threatening move and Preminger responded immediately. "Hmm. Good reflexes. You should take up surfing. It would mellow you out - you're much too tense! Besiddess, it's a perfect excuse to display your body." He leered and stared blatantly.

Preminger was getting used to this type of situation and could actually respond without always losing his temper: "Wouldn't you prefer our Mystery Surfer?"

Surfer: "Oh, sure, who wouldn't? But even in California, he's one in a thousand, and I'm a realist." With that, he and the rest of his group headed off into the ocean.

Preminger tried a few other groups, with somewhat better success. Not that he learned anything about Bennu's whereabouts, but he didn't either get splashed or leered at again. There wasn't much he could do, after all. No self-respecting surfer is going to be impressed - or intimidated - by a Federal agent's badge, and what else could he try? Threaten to have their taxes audited? And there wasn't any Federally funded research into surfboard design whose grants he could threaten! He gave up on the surfers and tried the surf shop.

At least he there found someone with something to say. The clerk recognized Bennu right away.

Clerk: "Oh yeah, that dude. Real friendly and likeable. But he had this weird story about never having surfed before and wanted to rent a novice board. Really - that's a classic California surfer's body if I've ever seen one! I asked him where he'd been all his life - Peru?" The clerk chuckled. He obviously liked that line. Preminger didn't. "Anyway, by the afternoon he was using a pro board - and quite well, too, from the few minutes of watching I sneaked in. The next morning, he was doing tricks! I tell you, if he was telling the truth about being a beginner, he isn't human!"

Preminger: "Are you suggesting that aliens surf?"

Clerk: "Well, why not? Their planet would have an ocean. So it would have beaches - and waves."

Preminger gave him the oddest look. That possibility had never occurred to Preminger, and he wasn't exactly pleased with the thought.

Clerk: "You know, between his looks and his talent, he could single handed - or boarded-ly bring back the beach/surf movie."

Preminger gave up. He was washed up, all wet, wiped out, and any other surf/water phrase one cared to use. Back to the tried and true "hot tips" routine. Sure enough, he found a promising one and was back on the hunt.

Bennu was, too. After the scare at the bus station, he'd had an unsuccessful but otherwise not overly demanding several days. His latest choice in sites was another large one, and he'd camped out at it overnight. The weather had been particularly pleasant, and after a leisurely Suncharge he felt relaxed, rested, and ready to take on the world - and about to get his wish.

Only the second mound he visited that morning seemed to have the carving he sought! But with his Sensitivity at near-peak, he noticed something he normally would have missed - a vague sense of something not quite right deep in the background. He removed his shirt, backed up into full Sunlight, and let it bounce off his medallion and onto the carving.

Sure enough, it seemed to waver a bit. Just as he'd suspected! He raised his mental barriers to maximum, whipped a stone into the mound's mouth, and called out: "Can Yago come out and play?"

Yago, his ambush spoiled, did so, firing a mind blast as he reached the entrance. It deflected harmlessly off Bennu's mental barrier, and Bennu responded with an extra-potent blast of his own.

Ouch! Yago recoiled in pain and fear. That one not only hurt, but had actually hurt him! A couple more of those and his mind might actually be disrupted! He abandoned the fight and fled. That was a wise move. This sort of confrontation was about the only sort of "killing" Bennu could do without being terribly devastated by it, and if Yago had been foolish enough to continue it, Bennu would have, too. As it was, Bennu let his Enemy flee unmolested, always hoping that Yago would at least learn to cease attacking him. Such is the mind-set of a Healer.

Bennu picked up his shirt and dropped his mental barriers. He stopped before he could even do a single button. The familiar mental stink of Preminger was quite apparent - and close, too! Bennu began setting up a simple ambush.

As he did so, he had to chuckle. Preminger was so good at finding him because he had the one thing he could never admit to - a psychic Talent of his own. Now, wasn't THAT typical of this planet!

Bennu settled in to wait. He didn't have to wait long - Preminger may have been very good at stalking Earthly prey, but his mind stuck out like the business end of a skunk! The old tossed-pebble trick worked fine, as Preminger whirled to face the clatter - though Bennu was quite surprised that Preminger actually fired a shot.

Something - obviously one of Bennu's Sunbolts - smashed the weapon from Preminger's hand and he looked to find Bennu bearing down upon him at an unearthly rate of speed. He scarcely had time to radio his current partner, Max, for help, when Bennu smashed into him. The radio went flying.

Bennu flipped him over a shoulder, stopped just long enough to retrieve the gun, and scooted away. Several hundred feet and a few mounds later, Bennu ducked behind one.

Bennu: "Preminger, you're getting to be a BIG pain! Now it's my turn."

Preminger: "Wh-wh-what are you going to do to me?"

Bennu didn't bother with a reply. He turned Preminger over a knee and began to spank him. "Bad Preminger. Bad, BAD, BAD! Mustn't take potshots at people!" Whack, whack, whack ...

(Wouldn't that bartender have misinterpreted THIS scene!)

Ouch! Bennu wasn't being gentle, and Preminger couldn't decide which hurt more - his body or his pride. Bennu dropped him, stood up, emptied the gun, and seemed to be staring off into space. Preminger reached for a rock.

Bennu: "No, BAD! Stay!"

Preminger gave up. He didn't think Bennu meant him any serious harm, and anyway, though Preminger was in very good shape, Bennu was really strong. He decided that in any direct physical confrontation between the two, he was going to be the loser.

Bennu began whirling the gun over his head. Preminger stood up - ouch! - to watch its presumed flight. Sure enough, Bennu let it go and Preminger staggered out from behind the mound to see where it landed. That turned out to be a lot further away than was believable. It banked off the back of a mound and into what turned out to be a bramble bush. Preminger began painfully walking towards it. Bennu made his escape.

By the time Preminger reached the bush, Max had found the radio Preminger had dropped.

Max: "Justin, where are you?"

Preminger: "Over here, trying to pick up my gun. Can you give me a hand?"

Max: "What's the big deal?"

Preminger: "It's in a thorn bush. So's a snake."

Max: "Is it poisonous?"

Preminger: "How should I know?"

Max: "And you expect me to stick my hand in there? Get a stick or give up."

Preminger gave up and walked painfully towards Max. As he approached, Max stared at him.

Max: "What happened to you?"

Preminger: "Bennu ambushed me."

Max: "Bennu caught you? That's funny! But what did he do to you?"

Preminger: "Hespankedme."

Max: "Huh?"

Preminger (through gritted teeth): "He spanked me."

Max: " He WHAT?? Oh, boy, wait until I tell the other agents about this!"

Preminger: "How DARE you?"

Max: "You're been breaking my horns all day long, and I'm getting even. What are you going to do - threaten me with your badge? Gee, I've got one of those, too."

Preminger groaned.

Max: "Justin, nobody likes you at the Agency - or anyplace else. Why, if you believe the scientists, even aliens don't. You should be happy that Bennu contented himself with a spanking. Most of the people I know have had thoughts of violence towards you, and few are that gentle."

Copyright Sept. 2000 Three Cheeks Productions (Richard Kaplan)